Conquistadors: A Conk’s Guide To Dating
The following handy hints and tips are brought to you in earnest by Conks drummer Andy Palmer.
He learnt these the hard way so you don’t have to.
Acceptable: A quick pre-date pint to settle nerves
Unacceptable: Having a pre-date drink three hours before you’re meant to meet.
More unacceptable: Enjoying this quick pre-date drink so much you have a second, and a third, and so on. It doesn’t help when the situation is exacerbated by the fact you are being served by your friend, who keeps thrusting free Guinness’ your way.
Very unacceptable: Ordering an onion-heavy pizza in a vain attempt to line your stomach
Massively unacceptable: Upon realising that by now you are very drunk, texting the girl to inform her you are running around 2 hours late.
The date itself
Acceptable: Take her to the movies
Unacceptable: Take her to see gory tit-fest Sin City
Acceptable: Nipping to the loo
Unacceptable: Nipping to the loo 5 minutes into the film
Very unacceptable: Passing out in the loo only to be woken 2-hours later by an usher knocking on the cubicle door with an irate/concerned date standing behind him.
Acceptable: Admitting to yourself the date was a disaster and you should probably never see each other again
Very unacceptable: Calling her an hour later asking for your pizza, which you left in her car.